Victory of The Genital Wart

The Lost Art of Formal Letter Writing

To Whom It May Concern Rated MA

I am a girl with a voice, something to say, a reviver of lost arts. The formal letter shall be my forum. Let’s begin with a brief how-to write a formal letter.

The basic structure of a formal letter has rules; when followed create a formula that produces clarity. From top to bottom a formal letter contains the following seven elements.

1.       Return address and date (upper right hand corner)

2.       Mailing address of recipient (left hand side, one line below the return address)

3.       Salutation (two lines below the recipients address)

4.       Body, the body of a letter has three parts: An introduction that should explain who you are and why you are writing. A middle part that gives details and persuades your reader to act. A closing that tells your reader what you expect or what action you would like them to take.

5.       Valediction ( left aligned, two lines below the body) This is the line before your signature

6.       Signature and printed name (down two lines)

7.       Enclosures, if you have included any further material list the number of items and describe each (below the signature block)

You are now ready to begin your formal letter.  Here is mine.

                                                                                                           111 You Serve Me Way Unit #1

                                                                                                            Los Angeles, CA 91111

                                                                                                            October 20, 2011 

666 Infected Dickhole Drive

Burbank, CA  66666

Dear Ass to Mouth Cocksucker,

My name is Conquistador; I am the first genital wart to land in your region. I am sure by now you have long felt my foreign presence and I thought it only proper to formally introduce myself, share with you a little background on what brought me here, a bit about what I have learned since arriving, and enlighten you with a vision for the future.

It began many moons ago when the human papillomavirus went in search of new land with dreams of expanding its empire.

We travel by way of vessel to reach far off places in a similar fashion as that of a barnacle on the bottom of a boat.

When our voyage brings us to undiscovered territory we graciously accept our new hosts and immediately begin colonizing wart upon wart into cauliflower like clusters burning and itching throughout your pubic hair forest and up your uncircumcised tree trunks spoiling the nature of man.

My vessel reached yours and I was encouraged with the words “it’s not the size that matters; it’s what you do with it”. Your size, well we don’t need to measure something so small, however we do need to mention it. But what you have done with it, oh my! You have brought more prosperity to my name than I could have ever imagined. Promiscuous trades between man and women. Pillaging virginity taker of the young and innocent. Liar, cheater, game player. But the fifteen year old girl you seduced with marijuana and margaritas that was a crowning achievement which brings us to a vision for the future.

Arrested and charged with statutory rape. Placed in an institution among men who watch and wait as you unsuccessfully shower me away. Day after day these man savages punk you and poke your bungholio becoming yet more gracious hosts spreading me everywhere. I bask in my O’ so glorious victory and you, well you are just another Ass to Mouth Cocksucker!

Up Yours Truly

Conquistador The Genital Wart Strand 16 sometimes cancer causing

Enclosures (1) Pap Smear Test Results